Does Bipolar Disorder Even Exist?

Does bipolar disorder even exist? This is a thought I have—probably more often than I should—considering my history with the disorder. I guess it’s because, as I continue my journey into stability, I often think to myself: Of course this is how I am; this is my normal. The memory of my mania or depression feels so distant from my stable self that I sometimes wonder if I was just acting that way.

Then I think: Well, I would never act that way. It’s this thought that reminds me: when I’m stable and in control, those past behaviors seem so strange because they weren’t truly me. This, to me, is what the disorder is—those moods take control during an episode. When I’m in the grip of mania or depression, those states feel permanent. They feel like my “normal,” even though, to others, they are extreme. And to me they are extremely, but only through the lens of reflection.

I’m not sure if it’s the medication itself or simply the belief that the medication is working, but I don’t think it really matters as long as I stay stable. I do believe therapy helps, but for me, it’s the daily practice and application of the techniques I’ve learned that make the real difference.

Much like a good cup of coffee, stability is a daily grind. Sure, you can use the pre-ground stuff, but it’s never as good as grinding it yourself.

Sending my love,